Welcome back to B is for Book Coach. Today, we’re creating space for comparison.
We're often told not to compare.
Don't compare your page one to their end. Comparison is not good for you. Stop comparing. Comparison is the thief of joy.
The thing is, it’s difficult to just stop something that’s happening on a subconscious level.
Nobody (that I talk to) is sitting down and making a list, like "How do I stack up against these other authors?” and choosing their steps accordingly.
I know this because I ask that in our clarity intensives: Who do you love to read? Who do you not like to read? What do you like about how those people show up in the world? What do you not like?
In the vast majority of cases, this is a new line of conversation for them.
Bringing their likes and dislikes into their writing process feels like a fresh exploration. It’s an easy exploration, because our brains have been logging this data nonstop.
But it’s new because we're not often comparing intentionally.
When comparison is not a conscious process, you can't just find a switch and flip it. If you could, you would have already.
But what if we stopped trying?
What if we embraced comparison? On purpose?
What if we looked at what that unconscious process is doing for us and just… rolled with it?
What if it could be completely okay—even good—for you to compare yourself to other authors? How would that change your approach to writing?
Comparison Can Be Leveraged
The truth is, comparison is a function of belonging that our brains have relied on for…well, basically forever.
It’s a way for us to assess safety.
On a subconscious level, when your brain sees authorship as stepping into a level of personal growth that is dangerous to the identity you currently hold, comparison can be dangerous. It can look like deciding in advance that you “could never” write certain things, when those are exactly the things you love to read and would adore being part of.
But comparison does have a function. While lightly researching this topic for a workshop, I was baffled to see how many articles started with the merits of comparison as a human function, then ended with all sorts of admonitions against it.
That’s when I learned that “comparison is the thief of joy” is a small part of a larger Buddhist teaching—in other words, a lifelong spiritual pursuit. In other words, not something that can be solved within the confines of a listicle.
I’m all for lifelong spiritual pursuits. But in the meantime, we have to do something with this thing that our brains are never going to stop doing.
Here’s what I’ve witnessed when you compare your work against other authors’ intentionally.
One is that you're seeing what you would love to emulate in the world.
When you say, "Ugh, I could never be as XYZ as that author," or, "Oh, they just did it so beautifully, I will never measure up," you are seeing how you would love to show up in an ideal world.
Catching those thoughts and sitting with the reframe can be incredibly powerful. Think about saying to yourself, “I would love to collaborate with that author” or “They did XYZ so beautifully, so I think I want to work on that in my book as well.”
Now your attention is on something you can work toward, whether that’s a skill or a deeper level of authority-building within yourself.
The other thing that comes up is an, "Ugh, I could never do it the way they did. I would do it differently. They missed the mark. I can't believe that they showed up in XYZ way and still made it...."
Leaving those thoughts to the subconscious patterns underneath them could easily turn into judgment or dismissal. But put a little bit of intention on them, and suddenly you’re seeing what you would do differently in someone else's shoes. With someone else’s platform. With someone else’s power.
If you've done any kind of niching down before—any kind of marketing exploration—you might recognize something more underneath those two functions. One is telling you how you want to be seen, and one is telling you what sets you apart from other people.
These are incredibly valuable, important questions for setting up your brand, your identity, your marketability.
And they're incredibly hard to answer if you’re coming at them directly.
But if you lean into the subconscious comparison that fly-by-night philosophers are telling you to “just stop,” suddenly you have access to truths that have been hiding behind performance, obligations, and shoulds.
By leaning into the thing that's already happening every time you consume content or think about your topic, you can better define your identity as an author and better serve your readers.
There Is Something We Can Stop
There’s one more thing we can do when we add intention to this process: we can stop the shift from comparison to competition.
To be fair, I don't think competition always happens consciously either. I think it's this ego-based part of you that's worried that if you try and show up in the world in a new way, everything is going to change.
It tells you that you're in competition with everyone else who’s ever dabbled in your topic, and then the fear of ego death answers accordingly:
They already beat you to it.
You'll never be able to show up in the world in the way that they are.
You'll never be able to take their audience.
You'll never be...
You'll never have...
You'll never do...
And then we don't. We clam up and don't write and don't step into that space.
The competition isn’t real, though. Especially for non-writers who aren’t after the biggest real estate on bookshelves. It’s a game that we never asked to step into.
When competition makes comparison feel bad, redirect it toward collaboration. Toward community. Toward connection.
Bring it back to the sense of belonging that comparison was always meant to create.
They haven't beaten you to a topic; they have opened up a space that you can step into.
They haven't done something that you have to outdo; they have started a conversation that you can join.
You can’t show up in the world exactly like they have—but neither can they replicate you.
So maybe you are on a lifelong spiritual journey toward releasing all forms of comparison. But don’t be surprised or upset that it’s still hanging around. Instead of shutting it down, bolster it with intention. Listen to what it’s telling you.
And go discover where you and your book belong.
Thanks for creating this space with me today. Whether or not you’re ready to dive into writing just yet, remember that the best authors show up fully, just as they are. That’s all it takes—and you're already doing it.
Be sure to subscribe on Substack or wherever you listen to podcasts to catch every coaching moment to come. And when more of your book is ready to emerge, the space we made today will be here waiting for you.
And so will I.
Share this post